Friendly Ghost Detective Agency - Part 2
(c) 2007 by Ezekiel J. Krahlin
2007 November 21
OUR COPS ARE NOT TOPS
Preface: I salute those GOOD police officers that certainly do exist
here in our Unfair City...and commend their especially difficult work
in the line of duty, amid so much corruption in their own department.
So please don't take my criticism as speaking out against the entire
San Francisco Police Department. Just MOST of it. Thank you.
When I first told Hank that I've formed a tight network of trusted
contacts, to bring justice to certain criminal activities occurring
here in Eureka Valley (a.k.a. "The Castro") and sometimes other places
popular with queers, he politely answered: "The police might want you
to leave it to them". So to mimic his what-I-thought-was-a-clue
less-suggestion, I left it at that (for the nonce). However, the next
two days I pondered Hank's suggestion, because every person with even
the least amount of smarts knows that corruption goes on everywhere,
in every part of The City. Money laundering downtown, and drug
dealing/gang wars in the 'hoods. Including Eureka Valley, right here
where I've lived in a simple SRO since (hold on to your colostomy bag)
1983.
--------------
!!! WE INTERRUPT YOU FOR THIS SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
Before anyone takes offense, allow me this redeeming (and LIKELY)
hypothesis:
Such a unique destiny as mine demands an equally unique challenge,
most im****tant: a TOUGHENING of one's mettle. The usual nurturing
friend****ps would surely NOT fulfill This Mandate From Up Above. I
therefore extend my utmost gratitude to both my enemies and seemingly
clueless friends alike, for having the GUTS to play this out: a most
difficult role, massively grievous albeit sacred.
"We have no enemies, only teachers." (Buddha)
"Love thine enemies." (Jesus)
"Go suck an egg!" (Rhoda Morgenstern's Mom)
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULAR SHOW
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So when I next return to the coffeehouse, I make a point to explain to
Hank that the police department is also corrupt, else they'd have
already cleaned up the neighborhoods, and these problems wouldn't
exist in the first place. Like when I told some cops about the goings
on South of Market: after listening a few minutes, one Blue Meany
drops a pasty pastry paw onto my shoulder, says: "Why don't you just
shut up about it?"
There is one cop who wears a badge numbered "666". I mean a REAL
police badge, not the one depicted below for comic relief!
Don't know his name (and don't care to), but he's certainly not to be
trusted (I'll just call him "Officer 666"). He's wiry, short (about
5'5"), and is often seen in Eureka Valley riding a bicycle, especially
the Church Street corridor. He is hostile to me, indicating very
clearly he's on the wrong side of the law, the good, the sane, and
Anything Else Compassionate And Loyal. I once asked him why he wears a
"666", that he might be an impersonator and not a real cop. His reply:
"I requested that number by the Police Chief, because I want to leave
an impression on those I meet." I didn't tell him to his face, but my
opinion is thus:
Yes, a very bad impression. Any cop who wears a 666 badge is
egomaniacal, therefore not to be trusted by any good citizen. Has
nothing to do with Christian mumbo-jumbo, and everything to do with
vainglory and bullyism. IOW: an abuse of your authority. (Albeit a
highly creative abuse; I'll give you that much. It might win you a
prize in a standup comedy competition, but you fall flat on your bony
face when it comes to representing an officer of the law. You're a
Public Relations Nightmare!) Were I your superior, I'd strip you of
your badge and place you on two-years' probation, and keep you off the
streets for the entire period. You'll be a fulltime pencil pusher.
(Impersonating an Officer of the Underworld is a highly egregious
offense!)
But I'm not his superior, so this satirical bon mot must suffice:
Officer 666
If you have a problem that can't be fixed,
Just call on Officer 666.
He'll mend your heart lickety-split,
And leave you some money and give you no lip.
Hey, that's my kinda cop: 666.
If you're stuck outside (keys locked in the car)
Just call for him, he's never too far:
"666? Oh, there you are!"
He'll carry you home, safe in his arms,
And tuck you in, and rock you to sleep,
And steal your heart while you count sheep.
He's not very pretty when it comes to the face,
Or just about any other body-place.
But he'll please you "on-your-knees-you",
Just by his commanding voice
and 12.75 yards of lace.
Then there's "Special Police" personnel, assigned to Eureka Valley and
paid for by the local businesses. You heard me: local businesses. That
means NOT you, the pedestrian, the tourist, the average citizen and
resident. During the numerous times I've witnessed a hate crime,
there's never a cop around, whether "special" or no. We need two or
three beat cops DAILY, in order to turn around the increased
harassment and violence that's been plaguing the neighborhood for nigh
unto 15 years! But that's not the half of it.
There was a "Special" beat cop in Eureka Valley for quite a few years
name of Jane W. (lesbian BTW). Friendly enough, but she didn't do her
job of protecting gay pedestrians, when she could have done so. Two
incidents come to mind personally:
1. Oh, about seven years ago, it was evening and dark; I was walking
from 2306 to Cala supermarket. There was Jane on the corner of 18th &
Collingwood where The Edge is located, chatting with another officer
parked in his car. He blocked the entire crosswalk, so that everyone
had to walk almost to the CENTER of the busy intersection, to get by.
(It was a chill November eve; sun had set long ago.) Yet immediately
behind him was an available parking spot. I approached the cop
(interrupting chatty Jane who leaned against the passenger door), and
spoke:
"Pardon me, officer, but you're blocking the walkway and I'd like to
cross the street with minimal risk." He looked up at me, obviously
bemused by my interruption. I gestured to my left: "There's a free
parking space right behind you."
The policmean grinned: "I don't want to take up a spot I don't need."
"But you are illegally blocking safe accees for pedestrians," I
briskly replied. "No skin off your teeth to pull back a few feet."
By this time, Jane's face became somewhat grim, her thin lips pressed
even thinner. "Go on now, it's safe to walk around me and cross," he
blithely remarked while rush-hour cars hurled themselves recklessly
from four different directions. High beams blinded me if I didn't look
down.
Disgusted, I asked Jane to assist me in making a citizen's arrest. She
ignored me and looked up at the sky. The seated cop tapped his
calloused thumb against the open window's cold, chrome frame.
"Alright, this isn't gonna happen," I realized, so turned away from
The Two Dipwads in Uniform, and huffily marched home. NO WAY was I
going to oblige Their Highnesses and walk AROUND asshat's car.
2. Approximately one year to date I approached Ms. Jane regarding
possible violence by one homeless man named Woody.
I greeted her, she smiled back. Then I requested her ear for a brief
minute or two:
"Jane, I know you're no longer assigned to The Castro, but maybe you
could pass this information on."
She cocked her sparrow's head: "Oh? What information?"
"You know Woody, right?" I ventured.
She nodded: "Yes, he has been banned from Castro Street three years
ago because he ran into shops, sma****ng and throwing things around.
And terrorizing everyone in general before then; for years."
"Yes, I know all about Woody's antics. Known him since '87, and he's
been a monkey on my back ever since," I prefaced. "I just want to tell
you that his behavior is getting out of hand again, he's been acting
aggressive towards me, and others who hang out a few blocks up, around
Church and Market. I figure you could inform..."
She raised her hand to cut me off. "Woody's dangerous. He's strong and
can lose control. I suggest you stay away from him," she barked. "Go
to the Mission Station and draw up a re****t."
Jane was now glaring at me. (What did I do?) My intent was simply to
alert whichever officer now covers the neighborhood around Church and
Market Streets. But since I didn't know who that was ('cause I hadn't
seen a cop in that area for months, except dinky "666" whizzing by now
and then on a Schwinn), I figured to tell Jane, who could pass it on
to the correct officer.
Furthermore, I know Woody at least five years more than Jane. He is
not so dangerous I need to avoid him...besides, this IS my
neighborhood, and has been since 1973. No one pushes me around my own
turf and gets away with it! I also realize that filling out a form
with the PD is an ineffectual way to nip potential danger in the bud.
From my own experience, the best solution is always a neighborly alert
to the beat cop.
"No, filling out paperwork is not my style," I looked at Jane in
friendly exasperation. "I figure you'd know the beat cop, and
could..."
Again she summarily raised a hand to halt me (impudent child that I
am). "Well, how do you expect me to help if you refuse to act
lawfully?" She glowered.
"Wow!" I thought, "I didn't know it was illegal to NOT fill out
papers. What's up with this *****?" I was about to inform her that it
is ALSO legal to inform a cop of possible trouble...which usually
suffices to squelch it. But the moment I opened my mouth to address
her abusive demeanor, she raised her hand once more, as if warding off
the plague:
"Look, Zeke, you're wasting my time. Just stay away from Woody.
There's my advice."
"I'm not asking for advice You Blue Shrew. I was only trying to be a
responsible member of our community," I wordlessly pondered, ready to
tear the gun from her holster and teach her The Lesson of a Lifetime.
"Oh, whatever. Sorry I even bothered you, OFFICER Jane." And we parted
company, not on the best of terms.
Missy Jane also writes a "Crime & Punishment" column for the gay rag
"Bay Area Re****ter". She often makes light of serious crimes by
creating "cutesy" subject headers. But I don't think depicting
violence, theft and mugging of gays as a Comedy Of Errors, good PR.
(Even the column's title is somewhat facetious, and derogative!)
FACTOID: Jane W. is also President of the Patrol Special Police
Association! I found this following quote by her, in a pdf do***ent
downloaded from the web (the hyperlink is my embellishment):
"I received a degree in criminal justice from Shamanan University in
1986. I was hired by the Honolulu Police Department where I worked
undercover in Waikiki and was reassigned to the patrol division. After
a meritorious career in Honolulu, I moved to California and received
my POST Basic Certificate from Sacramento Safety Center. I was hired
as a Police Officer for the town of San Anselmo and I attended night
school at the University of San Francisco. In 1993, I joined the San
Francisco Patrol Special Police where I was assigned walking a foot
beat in The Castro and Upper Market neighborhood."
Sorry to say , but for the most part it is my conclusion that the San
Francisco Police Department (and the Super-Duper SPECIAL Police)
remain seriously homophobic as well as pathetically LAX in suppressing
street crime and harassment...when it could be handily dealt with.
Though I was impressed by this year's first anti-Halloween event, with
the excellent show of force by the SFPD. Now, if only we had such
stalwart regard and presence by the police department all the
remaining 364 days each year. Homophobes don't take a vacation, you
know. Some even reside in Eureka Valley! And (sadly) some are cops
themselves.
Jane, it's good that you possess a "meritorious" background, but
that's not evidenced in your patrol of Eureka Valley. A good cop has
no cause whatsoever to treat me rudely, and disregard the dangers on
our streets.
Hawaii 5-O credentials notwithstanding. Or a campus crawling
w/shamans.
### Finis ###
Permission granted by author for anyone to distribute this
writing free of charge (including translation into any
language)...under condition that no profit is made therefrom,
and that it remain intact and complete, including title and
credit to the original author.
Ezekiel J. Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
--
To view this article w/color images and revelatory links, see:
http://www.gay-bible.org/truetales/Larkin/FG_02.htm
This piece is an excerpt from my 2-volume opus:
Steal This Blog! (gay revolution)
http://www.gay-bible.org/steal
--
Zeke Krahlin
http://www.gay-bible.org
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